It might be time to get a non-Multiply blog, but for now, I return with my thoughts just because they need sorting out and I could do with knowing what's going through your minds about these things.
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It took me 22 years to realize that I need to start dreaming. Since childhood, it seems that I’ve never really had any solid dreams of my own. I have had neither the extremely idealistic plans of becoming President of the Philippines, nor the more realistic goal of becoming a doctor or lawyer. I pretty much just went with whatever came my way, whether in the form of suggestions based on my inclinations, or whatever opportunities suddenly presented themselves to me. Throughout my years as a student, I had always been goal-driven in terms of grades. By the time I had gotten to college, I also thought that I had solid teaching plans laid out. Unfortunately, with that plan came expectations of opportunities falling on my lap, and the plan to be a teacher did not come with the steps on how to to become a teacher. I also felt the need to try out a world that was foreign to the academic environment which I had become much too comfortable with. And so thrusting myself upon the fast-paced and better-compensated (compared to teaching anyway) environment of market research, I began to re-evaluate my teaching plans, and look deeper into the specifics of the teaching that I had wanted to do.
When I was nearing graduation from college, I knew that I wanted to teach at the university level. That, of course, would require an MA, at the very least. With that comes another necessary decision: what do I want to specialize in? I decided that since I loved kids, I would go into Developmental Psych. But aside from teaching at the tertiary level, I wasn’t quite sure what else I could do with a degree in DevPsych (since, at this point, I knew that teaching at a the State University was not enough to sustain a lifestyle remotely like the one I have gotten used to). Since I wasn’t ready to make such decisions, and as mentioned, I wanted to gain non-academic experience, the need to choose was paused when I began working at Nielsen. Eventually, dissatisfaction and the reignited desire to teach set in, and I was forced to re-evaluate what I really wanted to do, and more importantly, how I wanted to get there. In the process, I had passed up a very good opportunity, and settled for something less capable of fulfilling my intellectual needs. Still, I take this as my chance to rest, and then begin with my academic pursuits. But that still doesn’t quite lay out a clear path for me. I have yet to figure out what my dreams really are.
A few years back, I thought that my only definite dream was to become a good mom and wife, and if I were lucky enough to find a husband who could sustain our entire family, I would readily give up my career and focus on the kids. At this point, I have doubts as to whether I can find a husband at all. So now I’ve got a more pressing need to decide on a personal goal that is less dependent on such serendipitous circumstances. A few possibilities come to mind. The most appealing at the moment is the idea of putting up a school that helps develop a love for learning in children. Initially, I had only dreamt of becoming a teacher who could instill such an attitude in her students. But since my sister shares the same frustration with the increasingly negative and high-pressure outlook towards school while also having her entrepreneurial dreams, I’m seriously considering giving it a shot. But this plan leads me back to my current problem: what academic path should I take to attain the credibility needed to put up such a school? Another possible plan for me is pursuing my MA (in a yet undetermined field), and teach at the college level while simultaneously maintaining ties with the qualitative market research world to supplement my surely meager income. Still, I have to determine what specific degree I want to pursue. Now I intend to give this the serious thought that it needs.At this point, I know that dreams come to life, not with destiny but with careful evaluation of both skills within the self, along with challenges and opportunities within the environment.
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